Blog Post #8: PCA and the Midterm Elections

I have tried to play it cool today. I took my mom to curbside voting in her town and posted a cute photo of her on Facebook with her "I Voted" sticker. Yay, mom!  And, yes, I am super happy at how excited she was to vote and how she kept repeating over and over "I'm a Democrat!"  We did responsibly talk about the ballot before I filled in the holes for her (her vision is greatly impaired). I do feel that her ballot was a true representation of how she would vote with a completely clear mind.

But, my feeling tonight?  I am LIVID. I have such incredible anger in my heart tonight.  I am angry at Alzheimers. Yep, I know - maybe that doesn't make sense - but I am. I am angry at this crazy variant of Alzheimers - Posterior Cortical Atrophy - that is robbing my mom of her sight, of her intellect, of her abilities. I am angry at the grief I feel over the loss of her before she is physically gone.

I am angry (FURIOUS) at Trump. I refuse to call him President. I am angry at his Meanness. I am angry at his Greed. I am angry at his Ego. I am angry at his Racism and his Anti-Semitism, at his Misogyny, at his Crassness. I am angry at his celebrity and what that seems to mean to our 21st century. I am incredibly angry at the people who support him and seem to revel in his meanness. I am SO ANGRY that Trump is present when all of this is going on with my Mom.

Trump terrifies my mom. Sometimes she is scared that he is nearby. She is scared that he might show up at her house. This is a new development. A few months ago, she could speak a bit more rationally about Trump.  She could talk about what a horrible President he is and how cruel his policies are.  Now, she is just scared. And this is the true element of who he is. And this makes me angry.

Oh, the anger. I wish I knew what to do with it. I guess that's why I am putting it on this blog. There is so much going on with care of my mom right now that I can't talk about in this blog.  There is so much that is too personal.  Those of you who have experienced PCA or Alzheimers in your family know what I mean by this.  Our parent or spouse becomes our child - our toddler - our baby.

Okay, I've taken a deep breath. I'm still angry - but I can celebrate my mom trying (she can't really see the TV screen) to watch her beloved Tarheels tonight.  She is particularly obsessed with Roy Williams, the coach. (And Roy Cooper, the NC Democrat governor!)  We've talked about both of those Roys many times today. And when I say many, I mean MANY.  Roy was the theme of the day.

 PCA is a robber of felony status. It robs a person of their sight, their dignity, their talents, their independence.  But....again...I am thankful for the essential character of my mom and the parts of her that still remain with us.  Her essential moral character remains true.  Her love and care of people remains true. Her sweetness and humor are still there.

I'm not going to apologize for my anger.  It's real. My mom taught me to respect what is real. She taught me that it's okay to be angry about things that matter.  Things that matter - like those who can't speak up for themselves, those who are suffering; those who deserve more; those who need our help. Hmmm...

Oh, the anger. And, oh, the love. Fierce, fierce love. That's what I hope for our future. Fierce, fierce LOVE. Thanks, Mom.