It is the season of March Madness. My dad is in the family room watching Duke play North Dakota State (go, North Dakota State!!!). In the bathroom, a new evening aide is helping my mom with her shower. This is no easy feat. My mom now HATES being wet. The sensation of water on her skin is unsettling to her. Although she loves the thought of a shower and she asks for a shower on a daily basis, the moment the water touches her skin she becomes very scared. "Get me dry!!!"
I was nervous when I first met this aide. She came last night to shadow our regular evening aide. She *might* be 20. She is slight. Despite my mom's failing brain, she is NOT slight. She is strong and determined and can be fierce. But, thankfully, she is also kind (kindness is her true nature; not her PCA nature). She is anxious during the shower, but she is saying such nice things to the new aide. "That feels good." "You're doing a good job." "Please call me Nancy." And the aide is saying nice things to her: "Good job!" "You're fine, take your time." Phew...
Yes, I am eavesdropping. But this is my Mom. My mom is defenseless now. She can't really see anything. She often doesn't understand where she is. She doesn't recognize her surroundings. She is anxious about the things she sees and the things she doesn't see. And I can't always be here... so a good, caring, patient aide is so important. I am feeling relief knowing now that this young person is capable and that I can eventually go back home knowing that she will be kind and caring to my mom.
March Madness. It starts with the underdog vs. the #1 seed. PCA is the #1 seed here - but my mom is putting up a good fight as the underdog. She fights daily to remember who she is, who her husband is, who her children are, where she lives. She fights like Gardner-Webb did earlier today against Virginia. In the end, the #1 seed will win - the PCA will completely take over... we see it day by day - but, she continues to fight. And she fights fiercely.
My mom has a lot of coaches in her life right now. The job of the coach is essential. We all work together to coach my mom - where to go, how to walk, what to eat, etc. We work together to boost her confidence. We give her tips for getting through essential skills and tasks successfully. We cheer her on and tell her "great job!"
There's always a Head Coach. That is my Dad. Coach Nelson. Wow - he is a great coach. He is the one who reads a James Herriott story or a Michelle Obama chapter to my mom. He is the one who is able to tell my mom how great she is. He is the one who maintains a sense of humor. He is the one who knows that winning isn't always the final outcome - but playing well is what counts.
Wow - this is a tough game. I don't know how to best describe it. It's the roughest thing I've ever been through in my life - and I am only a bystander and an occasional assistant coach. It is heartbreaking and exhausting and full of pain. But, at the same time, there are moments of sweetness and beauty. I will treasure those moments forever.
Mom has just gone to bed. My Dad goes in and sits with her until she falls asleep. I'm back in the family room and find that North Dakota State is only 4 points behind Duke. Ha! Yes! That is March Madness. Those Bisons are hanging in there. They are putting up the fight! Wouldn't it be great if they won the game?
My Dad and I are going to be up late tonight watching the Tarheels play a team called Iona. I don't even know where Iona is from. It doesn't really matter. It's a treat to watch basketball with my Dad. We'll take a breath and take a break and just enjoy some good basketball.
March Madness.
I was nervous when I first met this aide. She came last night to shadow our regular evening aide. She *might* be 20. She is slight. Despite my mom's failing brain, she is NOT slight. She is strong and determined and can be fierce. But, thankfully, she is also kind (kindness is her true nature; not her PCA nature). She is anxious during the shower, but she is saying such nice things to the new aide. "That feels good." "You're doing a good job." "Please call me Nancy." And the aide is saying nice things to her: "Good job!" "You're fine, take your time." Phew...Yes, I am eavesdropping. But this is my Mom. My mom is defenseless now. She can't really see anything. She often doesn't understand where she is. She doesn't recognize her surroundings. She is anxious about the things she sees and the things she doesn't see. And I can't always be here... so a good, caring, patient aide is so important. I am feeling relief knowing now that this young person is capable and that I can eventually go back home knowing that she will be kind and caring to my mom.
March Madness. It starts with the underdog vs. the #1 seed. PCA is the #1 seed here - but my mom is putting up a good fight as the underdog. She fights daily to remember who she is, who her husband is, who her children are, where she lives. She fights like Gardner-Webb did earlier today against Virginia. In the end, the #1 seed will win - the PCA will completely take over... we see it day by day - but, she continues to fight. And she fights fiercely.
My mom has a lot of coaches in her life right now. The job of the coach is essential. We all work together to coach my mom - where to go, how to walk, what to eat, etc. We work together to boost her confidence. We give her tips for getting through essential skills and tasks successfully. We cheer her on and tell her "great job!"
There's always a Head Coach. That is my Dad. Coach Nelson. Wow - he is a great coach. He is the one who reads a James Herriott story or a Michelle Obama chapter to my mom. He is the one who is able to tell my mom how great she is. He is the one who maintains a sense of humor. He is the one who knows that winning isn't always the final outcome - but playing well is what counts.Wow - this is a tough game. I don't know how to best describe it. It's the roughest thing I've ever been through in my life - and I am only a bystander and an occasional assistant coach. It is heartbreaking and exhausting and full of pain. But, at the same time, there are moments of sweetness and beauty. I will treasure those moments forever.
Mom has just gone to bed. My Dad goes in and sits with her until she falls asleep. I'm back in the family room and find that North Dakota State is only 4 points behind Duke. Ha! Yes! That is March Madness. Those Bisons are hanging in there. They are putting up the fight! Wouldn't it be great if they won the game?
My Dad and I are going to be up late tonight watching the Tarheels play a team called Iona. I don't even know where Iona is from. It doesn't really matter. It's a treat to watch basketball with my Dad. We'll take a breath and take a break and just enjoy some good basketball.
March Madness.
This is a beautiful and heart-wrenching post. I will keep you and your family in my heart and prayers. Thanks for staying in the game and sharing the madness and the tenderness of the process you all are in.
ReplyDeleteGood one!
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